And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves.

I'm history! No, I'm mythology! Nah, I don't care what I am, I'm free!

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.

There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.

Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started.