You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

There are times when life's just real quiet and simple. I sometimes get tired of people saying, "Well, what are you really like?"

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.

Avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason boys - to woo women - and in that endeavor, laziness will not do.

I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, "My boy's got learnin'!"