You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.

If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.

Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting.

I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, Do you mind if we take a break?