Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'

I have no desire to go anywhere near drugs. People say, "Aren't you tempted?" No, because of the ridiculousness of it.

Incoming is not the thing you want to hear at Christmas.

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.