Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

The human body was designed by a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?

If I asked you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell.

Women have so many levels. There's the physical level, which is a lot of fun. There's this emotional level, which is extremely mercurial.

The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material

You look at the world and see how scary it can be sometimes and still try to deal with the fear. Comedy can deal with the fear and still not paralyze you or tell you that it's going away. You say, OK, you got certain choices here, you can laugh at them and then once you've laughed at them and you have expunged the demon, now you can deal with them. That's what I do when I do my act.