Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?

Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!

Canadian money is also called the loony. How can you take an economic crisis seriously?

My God, look at the size of this man! Quick! Tell the other villagers we're going back to the boats!

Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public.