Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!

It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.' Because you have that initial warm feeling going, 'Oh, I remember this'. And your body does, too. And your body goes, 'Yeah, so do I'. Then the demon voice comes, 'Yeah, so do I. You know what would be great? You know we bought a little bottle before? A full bottle would be wonderful'.

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.