Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'

The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.'