I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.

People say that I'm a tree hugger, but I do a lot more than hug trees. I like having my drinking water without faecal matter, that's really nice. Or acceptable levels of strychnine. I'm an air breather, I've gotten used to that over the years.

What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.

Ronald Reagan is the world's largest Muppet.

There's this thing called freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your home. It should be called 'homebasing'.

When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.