[when asked about what he was most thankful about]: Being alive. After heart surgery, you dig that part. Breath, family and friends are just amazing. Just to have a second shot is pretty great!

Keith Richards is the only man who can make the Osbournes look Amish.

It's been a tough year. . . Someone said I should send out Buddhist thank-you cards since Buddhists believe that anything that challenges you makes you pull yourself together.

Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke.

Friends come in all sizes, take it from me! Golly gee, size doesn't matter, when you want some friendly patter from a pal who is true.

It doesn't matter who you are, if you've got the legs, you can hang with them.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.