Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

There's no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.

Women are wonderful. They're amazing creatures. You can never learn enough! They're addicting in the most amazing sense.

The sort of liveliness which increases with age is not far distant from madness.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

Honey, you [Michael Jackson] gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you're a black man, then you're Diana Ross, now you're Audrey Hepburn. Then he's got the little beard going on. He's like Lord of the Rings, the entire cast. Michael's about to jump species.