It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

The things we fear the most have already happened to us.

Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

The great thing about marriage is the idea of really getting to know someone. And really getting to know a woman is a life long task.

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.' Because you have that initial warm feeling going, 'Oh, I remember this'. And your body does, too. And your body goes, 'Yeah, so do I'. Then the demon voice comes, 'Yeah, so do I. You know what would be great? You know we bought a little bottle before? A full bottle would be wonderful'.