It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp

Friends come in all sizes, take it from me! Golly gee, size doesn't matter, when you want some friendly patter from a pal who is true.

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!

Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.

Even when I did my Broadway show, I did 15 minutes no one had seen before, because that was the night that Michael Jackson protested about Al Sharpton bailing on him. I said, "Wow, if that man bails on you, this must be really a lost cause."