You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

You’ve got to be crazy! It’s too late to be sane, too late. You’ve got to go full tilt bozo... ‘Cause you’re only given a little spark of madness... and if you lose that, you’re nothing

You'd think all of these "atypical" somethings would add up to a typical something

I love kids, but they are a tough audience.

Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?

For a while you get mad, then you get over it.