When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.
What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?
Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying "I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award." The other is "You want fries with that?".
The sort of liveliness which increases with age is not far distant from madness.
It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.
Humor is a great defense, and an offense too. Usually the recipient isn't too happy about it, but the people around are laughing.