When you have a great audience, you can just keep going and finding new things.

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome.

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.'

I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, Do you mind if we take a break?

But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.