My comedy is like emotional hang-gliding.

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.

But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.

If you don't keep pushing the limits, you wake up one day and you're the "center square to block."

I love being backstage, or doing littler things like Blame Canada.