Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!

Change is not popular; we are creatures of habit as human beings. 'I want it to be the way it was.' But if you continue the way it was there will be no 'is.'

I can be trained, I can actually show you how intelligent I am, I can use a word like delicatessen and know what it means.

Here's the best birth control in the whole world, if you really, if you have no pills, if you have no diaphragm, if you have no other form of contraception. Use it for ladies, if he comes at you with that little thing in his hand, just laugh at it. They can't deal with it, OK, it'll be gone.

If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem.

Humor is a great defense, and an offense too. Usually the recipient isn't too happy about it, but the people around are laughing.