The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.

When I'm riding my bicycle I feel like a Buddhist who is happy just to enjoy his mundane existence

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

I don't practice anything. I spend time looking over ideas and then just get out and do it.

I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, "My boy's got learnin'!"

She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other