The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

I couldn't imagine living the way I used to live. Now people come up to me from the drug days and go, 'Hi, remember me?' And I'm going, 'No, did I have sex with you? Did I take a dump in your tool box?'

Comedy pays the bills if I can't find a film.