Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public. Once you step on stage you're licensed to do that. It's an understood relationship. You walk on stage - it's your job.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

You’ve got to be crazy! It’s too late to be sane, too late. You’ve got to go full tilt bozo... ‘Cause you’re only given a little spark of madness... and if you lose that, you’re nothing

On rides you see things that trigger ideas. And most the time it's just not doing anything but riding ... letting it all go.

If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there.

A Pentagon official once said the people who would actually push the button probably have never seen a person die. He said the only hope -and it's a strange thought - is if they put the button to launch the nuclear war behind a man's heart. The President, then, with a rusty knife, would have to cut out the man's heart, kill the man, to get to the button.

Sometimes it’s more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth.