Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public. Once you step on stage you're licensed to do that. It's an understood relationship. You walk on stage - it's your job.

I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence.

Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'

Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

Seize the day. Because, believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold, and die.

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

I enjoy that, and the idea of doing small things over a period of time. I think there are certain things you can do for water control in America, because that will be our most precious resource. In America, you pay more for water than you do for gas.