The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

I never performed on drugs. That'd be stupid. It's the same thing with athletes. They can't perform when they have cocaine problems.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

The idea of the industrial fishing affects everyone. Those factory ships play this game of hit and run with the international fishing limits, and somebody said it's like hunting squirrels with a bulldozer. They pull everything in and they are only looking for certain types of fish and everything else dies and they just throw it back. It's like chumming.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Compassionate conservative, that's like having a gun rack on a Volvo.