A woman wouldn't make a bomb that kills you. A woman would make a bomb that makes you feel bad for a while. That's why there should be a woman President. There'd never be any wars, just every twenty-eight days there'd be very intense negotiations.

We used to be hunter-gatherers, now we're shopper-borrowers.

I've never had a "hankering" to direct. I can perform, but I can't write on that level. I tend to go off on tangents. Directing also requires a kind of specificity and I don't have it.

The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.

You have to break in half to love somebody.

If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there.

Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!