When your spinal cord freezes up, you're vulnerable to everything. But he [Chrestopher Reese] was tough as nails. And he kept a great, kind of dark sense of humor about it, but also was able to accomplish amazing things.

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

If you want to die, don't make a mistake and not quite kill yourself because the medical bills in America are hideous.

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

In truth I never really liked any of the heavy drugs, because normally my energy is up when I'm performing, and that's about it. Cocaine is nothing new. It's the pressure, I think. People use it to relieve that, and for me it is about getting numb and forgetting. I have a reverse metabolic reaction to the stuff.

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves.