I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

People would say I never censor. As Billy Crystal says, 'I don't have that button.'

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

I can be trained, I can actually show you how intelligent I am, I can use a word like delicatessen and know what it means.

Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!

For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.

Directing requires great discipline, that ability to be in and out at the same time. The great ones I've worked with are like generals. It's a bit like a small war on that level. The great ones have that combination of freedom and control. I'm nowhere near that. There's still so much to do as an actor. I have enough to explore with that.