I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?

Women are wonderful. They're amazing creatures. You can never learn enough! They're addicting in the most amazing sense.

Here's the best birth control in the whole world, if you really, if you have no pills, if you have no diaphragm, if you have no other form of contraception. Use it for ladies, if he comes at you with that little thing in his hand, just laugh at it. They can't deal with it, OK, it'll be gone.

Kid, if You Need Booze or Drugs to Enjoy Your Life to the Fullest, You're Doing It Wrong.

It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.

The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'