There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, 'People--they'r e kinda like flowers, and it's been a privilege walking in your garden.' My love goes with you.

On stage you're free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you'd be arrested.

The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

Improv. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running.

You appreciate little things, like walks on the beach with a defibrillator.

Ronald Reagan is the world's largest Muppet.