I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. So I changed the image to I don't get no respect. I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me. The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, Me, too - I don't get no respect. I figured, let's try it again.

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.

People seldom live up to their baby pictures.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.