I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. So I changed the image to I don't get no respect. I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me. The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, Me, too - I don't get no respect. I figured, let's try it again.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.

I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.