I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.