I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.