I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.

At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.