I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.