I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens