I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.