I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.

My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.