I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.
My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?