For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.