For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?