For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.