Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.