She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?