She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.