I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).

You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.