I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

I don't get no respect

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.