I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.