I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.