What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.