What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.