My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.