You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".