People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?