People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

I have three kids, one of each.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.