With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney DangerfieldMy sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney DangerfieldWhen I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Rodney Dangerfield