The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles
I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.