At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

Man, who don't like spaghetti?