Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!