Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.