Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?