Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.