My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.