I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!