One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

My wife gives good headache.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!