The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.