Everybody I know is a joke writer.

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.

You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away.

We have hearing aids in order to fix our ears. We have lasik surgery in order to fix our eyes. People ... you can't fix stupid!

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.