I did have a deal for a little while a cigar company that never really materialized that much, except that I ended up with 100 boxes of my own cigars with my signature on them. Which is great, they are wonderful cigars but they never really fulfilled out so now I'm out of it. I can sign up with somebody else or go pick a blend or whatever. I probably will, there is no sense in not doing it.

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.

I only like the live audience. I don't even like to do standup where it's being filmed. Because it affects the way the audience responds to what you say, because it makes them uncomfortable. You have to perform in a light room, and I prefer a dark room. But I love to perform, and I don't really see myself doing any television at all.