Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.

After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.

I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool.

Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.

A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.