The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.

Being nuts is its own reward.

I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.

Everything here must be done twice as no one can do it right the first time.

I used to think that communing with nature was a healing, positive thing. Now, I think I'd like to commune with other things - like room service and temperature control.