two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy.

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

my parents ... had decided early on that all of the problems in my family had somehow to do with me. All roads led to Roseyville, a messy, chaotic town where, as parents, they were required to visit, but could never get out of quick enough or find a decent parking place.

I have a fierce eating disorder that has survived even bariatric surgery. I got even fatter after that! Hey, maybe fat people are just trying to get closer to others, did anybody ever that of that?!

My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.