two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy.

I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.

I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'

I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.

In the new world every position of power evacuated by an arrested and beheaded pedophile or bankster will be filled with a grandmother who has pledged to create heaven on earth for all children, animal and humans with the stolen money we have recovered.

The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!

I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone.