I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'

Somewhere within the concept of justice, the worst of the guilty must always be removed. I cannot divorce this, not completely. The people must have justice and so I want to reinstate and enshrine the blessed and holy guillotine!

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.