Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.

Without democracy in our homes, we will never have it in the world.

Being nuts is its own reward.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the person. I feel like after that, you should stay with them and make sure that the rest of their life is sheer hell.

I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.