I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.

'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.

Don't call people names you dirty name caller you.

After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.

I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.