Eating cookies that you bake with your grandmother is one of the greatest social steps one must experience in order to grow up into a decent world citizen, in my opinion.

You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.

I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.

My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had.

US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed.

I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the American people are being given a false choice, because the choice between the lesser of two evils is a false choice.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?