My advice to educators is collaborate with parents; they know a lot about their kids.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.

It's so crucial to really get a good handle on what's getting in the way of the kid completing a homework assignment. It can be so many things.

When people are rushed, they're stressed and you greatly increase the likelihood of being punitive and unilateral just because you're trying to grasp control.

Be your kid's collaborative partner, but also be a collaborative partner with the folks at school. Schools can be pretty unilateral too. Show them you know how to collaborate. Show them this is not about power. Let them know detentions and suspensions and paddling don't solve the problems that are affecting kids' lives. Those problems can be identified and solved but not by being punitive.

We never get to see that our kid is capable of solving problems on her own. We never start to build up the faith that they can actually do it.

A lot of parents aren't exactly sure how to go about solving a problem with a kid in a way that's mutually satisfactory - doing that with their child feels very foreign to a lot of people. It probably explains why so many parents tell me their kids don't listen to them and why so many kids tell me that they don't feel heard.