You're your kid's partner, not the person who's pulling all the strings.

Parents are much more likely to be attuned to what they don't like than they are to the expectations that the kid is having difficulty meeting.

The vast majority of things parents and kids get in conflict over are highly predictable. We're disagreeing about the same expectations the kid is having difficulty meeting every hour, every day, every week. Because it's predictable, we can have these conversations proactively. That is very hard for people.

People still look askance at a kid in the supermarket who's pitching a fit and think the parent is not sufficiently in control or not being sufficiently punitive. That's an issue for a lot of parents as well.

Challenging behavior is just a signal, the fever, the means by which the kid is communicating that he or she is having difficulty meeting an expectation.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.

Solutions can't be imposed. That just fosters resentment.