You're your kid's partner, not the person who's pulling all the strings.

There is still quite the vibe out there that as a parent you have to be completely in control and in charge.

Parents are much more likely to be attuned to what they don't like than they are to the expectations that the kid is having difficulty meeting.

Everybody is talking about the behavior. Behaviors float downstream to us. We need to paddle upstream. The problems that are causing the behaviors, that's what's waiting for us. It's a crucial paradigm shift.

If a solution isn't mutually satisfactory, it's not going to stick.

You're your kid's partner, not the person who's pulling all the strings.

The vast majority of things parents and kids get in conflict over are highly predictable. We're disagreeing about the same expectations the kid is having difficulty meeting every hour, every day, every week. Because it's predictable, we can have these conversations proactively. That is very hard for people.